How I wish I was born the ‘Heroic-Man ,
And travel the globe to foil the odd plan,
Of World Domination by a Mad Doctor or two,
Then Bloody his nose and blow-up his H.Q.
But when fate dealt the cards it was never my lot,
So I ambled along with the life that I got.
No ‘Femme Fatale’ or ‘Russian Spy’, to entrap me with all her charms ,
My other half is the Fish shop girl,
All Tattoos and Wrestlers Arms.
No Aston Martin awaits outside,
For the tables at ‘Royal’ with Le Chiffre,
As I place my Bet with the Bingo Set ,
All Grannies with National Health Teeth.
No ‘Savile Row’ suits that are elegantly cut ,
My Shoes of the finest made ,
I am what you see , a pity-full sight,
An advert for Christian Aid.
No ‘U.N.C.L.E.’ agent or ‘Saint’ am I ,
Nor partner to the divine ‘Mrs Peel’,
I’ve never traveled to some exotic locale ,
Or Punch-Ups to bring Villains to heel.
A life of intrigue would be my plan’
All ‘Jason King ‘ And ‘Danger Man.
But as it is , the Gods did see ,
I was never the Man I hoped to be.