I can\'t stop thinking of
What they\'ll feel when I\'m
Gone. When my bones are
Laid in the Earth, and my
Time is done.
I can\'t stop thinking of
Their grief; of the way they
Might fall. Or maybe their
Guilt, because what if they
Could have stopped it?
I can\'t stop thinking of
The words I\'ll never
read; the Love I\'ll never have,
Capital \"L\". Of the sunrises I\'ll miss,
Or a violin\'s sweet harmony.
I can\'t stop thinking of
The memories,
The moments,
The crying
The laughter.
I can\'t stop thinking of
Long car rides, and
Music so loud you can\'t
Hear anything
Later.
I can\'t stop thinking of
My mama, and how maybe
She\'ll cry harder than
The last time, when her
Parents died.
I can\'t stop thinking of
My brother, because I think
A lifetime is too long to
Go without your sister and
Buying Safeway corn dogs together.
I can\'t stop thinking of
How maybe it won\'t be
Worth it in the end,
How all my work will
Be for nothing.
But I can\'t stop thinking of
How maybe it will be.
Of how I\'ll get my green
corduroy couches and my
black-and-white tiled kitchen.
I can\'t stop thinking of
How I\'ll get my air fryer,
And my succulent-filled
Apartment, and two
Maine coon cats.
I can\'t stop thinking of
Local coffee shops and
Hot chocolate, writing a
Book in my
Spare time.
I can\'t stop thinking of
Going to college,
Eating without guilt,
Not hating myself,
And bubble baths.
I can\'t stop thinking of
The chick-flicks I\'ll watch,
Of the pizza I\'ll eat,
All the sunrises I\'ll see,
And the Love I\'ll have.
I can\'t stop thinking of
The dogs I\'ll pet,
Of the job I\'ll have,
Of the music I\'ll
Listen to.
I can\'t stop thinking of
Spending time with my Mama,
Of eating corn dogs with
My brother in the
Safeway parking lot.
I can\'t stop thinking of
The music I\'ll create,
The February snow,
The hope, and the
Future I\'ll have.
I can\'t stop thinking of
How maybe, sometimes,
Life might actually
Be worth
Living.