I tend to associate grief and love with atoms, as if it will make them any less complex or easier to understand. However, if the atoms of love we’ve yet to give don’t reach their person, can they become negatively charged with grief? Do these atoms wither and die if they don’t find the corresponding atoms they’re meant for in another? If their destination is no longer in my orbit, can I change their path to lead to another?
What about the atoms meant for lovers found too late? What do I do with the excess love that I couldn’t give to them in stolen glances and “accidental” touches? What if my soulmate can’t converse with the universe in ways that lead her to me in time? What am I to do with her love?
Is this excess love the cause of the ache in my chest? Are her atoms meant to fill in the holes caused by the love meant for her trying to find the way to its home in her?
Is it possible to feel grief to the love we’ve yet to give? For all the versions of me that, with her, I never got to be? For all the lessons never learned at the expense of another? For the caresses that stayed glances and hearts that remain unignited? For laughter that remains on my lips instead of in her ears? For longing whispers caged in my throat rather than etched in her skin? What am I to do with the love meant for them?