Seems like they always see my size.
I’ve tried every diet to make me look thinner.
Hurt myself again, but it all stays the same.
All I do is binge and purge—
But it’s just a diet, right?
My problems hide in numbers
That leave when I gag.
The reflection tears me apart,
I want to eat, but I have to stay thin.
I feel like a failure
If I don’t skip breakfast and lunch.
I will always wish I was smaller than this.
Pulling at my skin, I just can’t quit.
Feeling heavy in my bones,
I crash and break down.
I’ve been holding my breath,
Trying not to be hungry.
Holding back tears in bed.
Wasn’t raised religious,
But sometimes I wish I was.
Having nothing to believe in is killing me.
Lied to my doctor,
She knew I was faking.
Empty bottle numbs me.
No food for the next few days.
Don’t need food—just need to be thinner.
I’m chasing a body
I know I’ll never outrun.
A myriad of calories in front of me.
Pain is beauty.