I’ve become the person I never thought i’d become.
I always told myself I’d be better, but the tables have turned.
the dishes have been in the sink for over 2 months, covered in a blanket of mold, similar to the same mold that’s covers my body.
the clothes have piled on the floor, similar to the piles of thoughts I have in my head.
the pills rattle in my purse, similar to my aching bones craving for someone to come and crack them, relieving them of their years of having to carry too much weight for one person.
the dust floats through the air, similar to how my head feels when I have to pretend to be a human outside of my bed.
the hives cover my body. not only do I itch to relieve them, but I itch hard enough to hope I rip through my skin and let my true self flow out.
the fan blows cold air through my freshly showered body, similar to how the invasive thoughts flow through my brain.
addicted to a pill that makes me feel nothing, sleep for hours, and wake up feeling euphoric.
the ringing in my ears is the only thing I can hear, other than the thoughts that are trying to make me convince myself to take a blade across my throat in order to feel anything other than nothing.
the fat on my stomach sags to the other side as I roll over in bed trying to find some kind of comfort in this place I promised myself i’d never get to.
this is no way to live.