he has me hooked up to his car
and the crackly connection
makes his voice feel a little far
he drives
and sings frank sinatra
through the speakers of his car
it almost sounds like an old radio
a snapshot of the past
a sliver of a simpler kind of love
the kind of love that feels like it could last
all i can see
when i look at him
is old love
genuine love
that kind of love
that does not demand
but charms
i lay here
in my bed
blanket beneath my head
my own hands holding each other
dreaming of the day they hold a lover
it’s dark
the window is ajar
gentle air brushing my hair
into my eyes
and i can feel nothing in this moment
but awe and affection
i want him to change direction
and drive to me instead
he sings loudly
unapologetically
and i find the best parts of me
in him
i hear myself singing
dancing
using my water bottle as a microphone
the same unapologetic expression of joy
almost childlike in its authenticity
he has made me completely rediscover joy
in the purest form
there was a time
i thought id never feel joy again
there was a time
i thought grief
would be my only friend
there was a time
i had to search for the light
but now
i don’t feel the need
to be in constant light
as long as i have this life
as long as i can lay here
and listen to him sing
and drive
i think i’ll be alright.
22:20pm - 30/03/24.