It was strange, hard to name,
like a gift to lend and borrow.
Played the part, wore the grin,
but it fell flat at tomorrow.
Not a voice, just a pull,
like a hum in the wires.
Not a thought, not a word,
just a flicker that fires.
I would laugh, I would shine,
just to sit there beside her.
Told the jokes, struck the pose,
tried so hard just to hide her.
She would grin, turn away,
sunlight caught in her lashes.
And I’d blink, hold my breath
as the moment just passes.
There was time, there was grass,
we were light, we were leaning.
But I knew, deep inside,
she had no clue I was dreaming.
Every day, every time,
I rehearsed what I’d tell her
something brave, something true,
but my chest just got duller.
We would walk after class,
by the trees past the fences.
She would swing her old bag
and I’d guard my defenses.
She would laugh in my face,
say I looked like a loser.
Called me names, rolled her eyes
I still clung like a user.
She would lie, twist my words,
leave me cold, then come nearer.
But I took every blow
just to stand there and hear her.
I was calm, I was kind
just the friend she could lean on.
She was stars, she was noise,
I was barely just hanging on.
There were laughs, there were flames,
there were late little dances.
I would spin, I would smile,
while my heart took its chances.
She would laugh, dance around
like the world was just starting.
I stayed still, held the frame,
felt the ache slowly parting.
And she said, \"You okay?\"
And I smiled like I meant it.
Then looked down at the ground,
like my name had been sent it.
Now it’s gone, just a blur,
but it hums in my centre,
like a door that I missed
but was too scared to enter.