I hate you, so, so much
With all of my rickety broken heart
It beats in a soft staccato that longs for your touch-
I mean, longs to hear you call me sweetheart-
No, I hate you, I do
So much that it hurts
That the pain shoots along my nerves, a constant tattoo
That I scream at the stranger in the mirror still wearing your sweatshirt
I hate you so much that I start to hate me
Noticing every little detail I don\'t like
Especially how my life without you seems incomplete
How sometimes I want to stand in the middle of a storm and let the lightning strike
Ha!- wouldn\'t that be nice?
To end all this hatred and pain
To not be haunted by you in all my thoughts, god I\'m going mentally insane
I hate you so much that I even still dream of you
Though I really don\'t want to
I still close my eyes and see your own beautiful ones
Reflecting with that twinkle from the dying sun
I hate you so much that I miss you
I miss everything
I miss talking and laughing and competing over the smallest things
I miss playing my piano and drawing so good
And not just for me, but for you
But I hate you
Don\'t get that confused
Even though I still remember your exact birthday
Your zodiac sign and your favorite holiday
Still remember the way your eyes looked when we shared secrets
That we had never told anyone before, how I was so nervous
When I had showed you all my deep cuts
And not just the ones on the surface
But I hate you, with rage red hot like dripping blood
I have to remind myself that I do, everyday
Even when you give me that stupid smile I love
Even when I still let you rant to me about random things, without complaints
I hate you so much that its painful
That at midnight I lie awake staring at the ceiling
And replay all the conversations and beautiful moments with you
Trying to ignore that swirling, drowning feeling
Like when I sink in the tub and open my eyes to dark endless blue
But I hate you
Or, do I?
At this point, I\'m not sure
Not sure what\'s real or what\'s a lie
I\'ve never been good at lying, but I know one things true
I still love you-
I mean, hate you