Christmas just isn’t the same anymore without your easy smile.
I remember being very small, and bounding around your house, my giggles echoing as I steal magnets from your fridge, bringing them to you for “inspection.”
Nan would go mad.
I remember being maybe 7, when the bullying started.
I came around to Nans, upset.
You just hugged me and we sat there for hours.
I remember Christmas when I was 13, our last Christmas with you, though none of us had a clue.
We laughed all day, making stupid jokes and when we left, you said “Happy Easter!”
I remember being 14 and finding out you were gone.
We all knew you were unwell but you never should have died.
I was in school, in a lecture.
When it was over we all walked out of the hall.
I saw my mam.
I knew without her saying,
That you were gone,
It was as if time stopped.
I remember being 14, at your funeral, crying harder than I ever had before.
Then I had to read something and for these few minutes, my tears vanished.
Now I’m 15, 16 in a few months.
I miss you more than anything.
Every milestone, I think of you and what you missed.
My first boyfriend, which came 3 months after you left,
But I don’t think you would have liked him very much.
Or me sitting my Junior Cert which happened 6 months after you left, I know you would have helped me.
Or when I found out I got the best results, which happened 10 months after you left, I hope you would have been proud of me.
Or my first time abroad, 18 months after you left. I know you would have wanted to hear everything.
Every milestone, marked by how long ago you had to leave us.
I love you Gaga and I’ll forever miss our laughs.