I don’t know how to start this. It has come to me that I should start being serious with what I want and this is a major thing.
I don’t know which kind of format I should write in
Should it be first person? Should it be so personal? Well I think if I want to get you to see it and feel my message I should be personal
I am not hiding anymore, because I think I have been hiding.
Have you tried looking for me too? Is that why I feel the need to reach out?
I won’t hide myself anymore, because I want you to see me and find me too just like I want to find you.
Sure, I am questioning if I should put this out there as the first letter to you.
I will probably chicken out and let it stay here in my notes, then maybe one day show you personally
Or, I will be brave and post it anyway. Screw judgement and shame right?
It’s a first step for me. It’s wobbly, sensitive to a lot and I wish I didn’t have to go through it
But deciding that this is what I desire and then go for it, is what is making me write this now
See, I am determined now. I know, I always say stuff and then halfway through I give up or lose interest in it
But this is something that is beyond physical for me
You, you are beyond physical for me
That’s why I am taking this step despite feeling this way
I am battling the demons for you and for me
I just wanted you to know that I think of you, still miss you
And a hello shaped like a very thin, fragile vine, budding out blindly
It’s okay, i will be alright
This is for us
I miss you
And hi again.