I still love you.
I loved you then, I love you now,
And I will always love you - somehow.
This love, a shadow stitched into my soul,
The one thing I can’t rid myself of,
No matter how far you go.
You’re not here beside me anymore,
But I still feel you -
In the silence, in the cold,
In the ache that never grows old.
Years have passed,
But I can’t forget us.
I can\'t move on. I can’t adjust.
I wish you were here.
I’m tired - tired of crying for someone
Who finds comfort in my absence,
While I remain sick,
Trapped in this hell I can\'t escape,
A prisoner to what we were.
I wait. I wonder. I wish.
I crave the impossible -
For my love to be returned,
Though I know it never will be.
Every night, your memory tucks me in,
The last thing on my mind
Before I fall into dreams of what we used to be.
No one understands the love I still have for you.
Even I don’t understand it sometimes -
But I never judge myself for it.
Yet one question haunts me still:
What have you ever done to deserve this love,
After all we’ve been through?
I deserved better from you -
Not silence, not distance, not pain.
Not the version of love that left me
Standing alone in the rain.
You failed me when I needed you most.
When my hands trembled, when I broke,
You turned your back on my breaking voice
And left behind nothing but smoke.
Have I been cursed?
To love someone who refuses to see -
To see the truth,
To acknowledge that you were my first love,
And I, yours.
But now you\'ve forgotten.
Forgotten us. Forgotten me.
You\'ve tossed our memories aside
Like they were never your whole world,
Like I wasn’t once your everything.
You didn’t want patience.
You didn’t want me.
You called me repulsive, insufferable -
But I was just struggling.
You showed no grace when I was weak,
Only blame for things I couldn’t control.
You made me hate this city.
You made me hate myself.
And still -
I know you never deserved the love I gave,
The tears I cried,
The wounds I bled for you.
Yet I will love you
With my bruised heart
Till my last breath -
Even if we never talk again,
Even if I never hear your voice,
Never again feel your arms around me,
Or your lips on my face.
Even if you never say “I love you” again -
Even if you never apologise,
Never put your pride aside,
I’ll never find it in my heart to hate you.
Hashim,
You chose the illusion of greener grass -
But fake things shine the brightest.
The grass is only greener
When you water it.
And you refused to.
So tell me -
Does the other side feel better?
Does it feel real? Raw? True?
Or do you regret trading me
For a lie you sold yourself?
You walked away,
But I stayed -
Still loving you,
Still mourning us,
Still breaking quietly
In the echoes of a love
You refused to fight for.
But just remember this -
I will love you till the very end, Hashim.
- JJ