It’s been a year since
my darling daughter died.
Well, a year ago yesterday,
and I should have visited her
but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house,
so I came today.
I lay by her site
just how she lay in the plain hospital room,
Still and lifeless
surrounded by the nauseating lemon disinfectant
after her father
and I signed her pain away.
I’ll never forgive myself
for leaving her unsupervised
but who could have known that would happen.
So I popped the cork off my bottle of wine
and drank away my afternoon,
and drank away my pain
maybe if I had paid her more attention
Jessie could be laying here with me today.
Once the sun starts to set
I pack up my stuff
keeping her space clean,
just how she would keep her bedroom
and head back to the car.
I turn the key and start my trip home
but as I drive along gravel roads
my eyes wander as they please
I see the sun shining through the trees.
It makes me feel warm,
gives me a sense of understanding
as to why Jessie climbed that tree.
She had always loved a sunset,
just like her father,
just like me.
I round the corner,
swaying along the white dotted line
as the setting sun distracts me,
and I lose control -
everything stops.
A singular gum leaf graces my windshield.