If it were possible, I’d spend time and time
again
Trying to find a way to climb out of my own
body
Leaving all my feelings buried deep within an
empty vessel of emotions
I’m not quite sure when it happened, but I’ve
turned my mind into a nightmare
Too scared to visit, too curious not to think a
peak
Overthinking will kill you, she said to me once
All while holding a noose above my head
Regardless of what my mouth might tell you
I didn’t fall in love
Falling means it was an accident
Unintentional
A slip up
What had happened was I saw a tiny flame of
something hopeful
And catapulted myself straight into it
So now there are consequences to be dealt
with
The silence is deafening
Everything green and bright and burning lost
their colors… their flame
Everything red and big and beating
Slowed to a dull thud and a sharp wheeze every now and then
A grim reminder that there was still air left in
my lungs to breathe
I know what a goodbye looks like
And I know for certain what one feels like
And yes, some hurt and some are painful
But have any of them haunt, taunt and stomp
on your mind in your sleep?
Have any, if ever, clawed out your inside and
left them in a heap beside your feet for you to
look at?
No?
Then that wasn’t a goodbye
It was fucking heartbreak
So you’re not coming back
And hey… that’s okay
I understand that now
But I’m not okay
—— n.n.b