I can\'t tell if the burden has made me ten tons heavier
Or light enough to float up into the stars
What I do know
Is that the cavity in my chest has been filled
with a void
A black hole of some sort
Sucking me in from the inside like a vacuum
And with each inhale
I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into
myself
On the days when my vision is blurred the
most
And the bitter liquid burns a path down my
throat
I fantasize about a open casket
Surrounded by purple flowers and trickling with
tears of regret
Someone was probably calling my name from
the very back
But I could barely hear them
Either they weren\'t being loud enough
Or I wasn\'t listening hard enough
I feel prepared to say my goodbyes
But I\'m not sure who I should say them to
Maybe I should try giving my thanks instead
But what should the dead be thankful for?
Thank you for helping me to lose the ability to
listen to your false hopes
Thank you for taking my sight from me so I
don\'t have to watch it all burn anymore
Thank you for taking the metallic taste off
of my tongue when I bit it too hard in my rage
Thank you for taking away my sense of feeling
So I don\'t have to feel sharp blades slicing
across raw skin
And probing fingers reaching inside of me for
something I didn\'t possess anymore
And thank you for stealing the scent off my
nose
So I don\'t have to smell the crisp air, fresh fruit,
blooming flowers, wet pavement, scented
candles or a familiar shirt of someone I once
loved
A reminder of everything pure, innocent and
wanted --
No
Needed, on this earth
Everything and anything I was not
And maybe someone will hold my hand at the
funeral
Delivering warmth that lay untouched
Probably my mother
Though definitely not my father
But I would prefer a closed casket
I always felt most comfortable behind closed
doors
It would just feel to strange to have one finally
open up for me
And everything beyond it was simply far
beyond reach
---n.n.b