I want to say healing gave me
Back my childhood,
That I won it, earned it,
But I don’t think I did.
Healing didn’t give me another
Opportunity to be six again and
Avoid the girl who called me fat.
It didn’t let me restart.
Healing didn’t give me another
Chance to go back and call CPS
Every time my father hurt me,
Or even to just do as he said.
Healing didn’t give me another
Moment as little me; playing with
Barbies, trains, and princess dresses;
Playing with the other normal girls.
I think I might forever grieve what I
Don’t have, but I’ve always been
Told to be grateful for what I’ve
Been given.
“Be a leader, work hard, speak up,
Be kind, do your work”
Was the daily speech at the
Bus stop for years.
Healing didn’t give me the chance
To go back and do that, do what
He said because I know had I spoken
Up, my life would be different.
But healing gave me the opportunity to
Try again. It gave me the opportunity
To find laughter around me and to
Love the people loving me.
Healing gave me the opportunity to
Grow up; to look back with nostalgia
But to know that good things are
Coming my way; are already here.
Healing gave me the choice to change
Into a person unafraid, and it gave me
The voice that was so weak I
Didn’t even realize I had it.
I don’t regret it; healing, I mean.
I couldn’t, not when I know I
Have found the life I so desperately
Want to live out.
I don’t regret healing.
One could say it gave me
Back my childhood.