I am still here, I know it
despite all the mould
my body feels twice the age it should
my heart feels more bad than good
but I know this is not true
I am trying, you know
though it may not show
there are days I feel like
I don’t know where to go
or how to grow
there are times I forget
what it feels like to be calm
days I find only empty palms
I look in the mirror and see only grief
that drags me underneath
until I can barely breathe
but this is still me
though I am ready to scream
I am still me
Still soft
still clever
still more hopeful than ever
burnt out and full of doubt
but still sure I will make it out
I know there is more here for me
there is joy within the pain
and I will feel it again
there is a way for me to escape
at least for a while
and I know, it’s still here
that charming smile
I still have freckles
kissing my cheeks
like the child version of me
who used to lay on her slide
and wait for the screams to subside
the brown spots on her face
a simple mistake
from the sun’s luminous rays
I haven’t sat in the sun
for weeks
but my cheeks
are the same
I am still chloe
not the shell of me
I thought I had to be
I know now
it is okay to be free
this is why I was gifted agency
to do what I need
and help others to see
they are still here too
You are still here
despite each fall
each heartache
that makes you feel small
you are still there
come up for some air
and sunbathe on the slide
or whatever you did as a child
to pass the time
I promise
you are allowed
I am allowed
it is allowed
you can be loud
and when you feel free
I will be so proud
I am, already
and though there is despair here too
I can still see the best in me
ready to be complete
when I come back to me
How long
I have needed
to come back to me.
12:24am – 17/08/25.