every morning I wake up
at four o\'clock —
not four-oh-five,
not four-fifteen —
four, on the dot.
I take a shower to cleanse
my sins
and get pasty with lotion
and stink of my perfume —
vanilla and cashmere.
I get a mirror
and all of my supplies
that I apply
to my hair, face, and eyes,
and she almost looks familiar...
a fractured version
of the girl who could be,
she\'s kind of like me!
I dress myself to show off
my waist, so close to the bone.
when you\'re a fatass,
you have to wear your weight well.
do it right,
suck it in,
nothing else matters.
there is an idea of Hayleigh;
the girl who could be,
but that you won\'t need
otherwise.
and though I can hide my
cold gaze
and you can shake my hand
and feel flesh gripping yours,
I simply am not there.