PADLINA

The love I longed for

Growing up, 
I never really understood  
the role of a man in my life 
My mother was everything— 
provider, nurturer, protector.  
She made sure I lacked nothing, 
even when she was struggling  
So when I learned in school that 
the father is \'the head of the family and sole provider,\'
it felt foreign
I had no father figure to embody that
My reality was different: 
my mom carried it all,  
and for that, I will bless her until my last breath. 
When she remarried, 
my stepdad was distant 
He gave us shelter, 
But not love. 
We were invisible to him, 
And I longed to leave his house, 
Just so I wouldn’t feel entitled to him 
I was forced to grow up too fast
Sometimes,  
I wished it had been me  
instead of my dad who passed— 
at least then, 
my mom and sisters might have had a softer life
I never understood 
why someone could love her, 
yet not love her children 
So I wished for myself— 
someone who would love me 
without conditions 
Love that is pure and true
Love that isn’t begged for
Love that is constant, unwavering. 
Love that doesn’t hurt,  
doesn’t break,  
doesn’t make you wish for the dead  
or blame life itself
I wished for love that could be my strength— 
not pain,  
not survival,  
but love
So, when you asked me why I liked you so much 
I said, “I don’t know… “ 
But I do know
It’s because you make me feel loved,  
even with my insecurities, 
my mood swings 
Because you make me happy,  
never lonely
Because I always want to be around you. 
You make me confident,  
You make it easy to be me 
You support me
I love your honesty  
your humor, 
Your face lights up my world (and honestly, who wouldn’t love that?) 
Beyond appearances, 
I love your soul—
 
your personality,
 
your mindset 
I love you 
for a million reasons—
 
some I already know, 
and some 
I’m yet to discover
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                                                                                                                                                                                              PADLINA