Pain
I feel needles….thorns….and broken glass in my heart. I feel sorrow….loneliness….confusion in my mind.
I feel hot tears pouring from my dry eyes. I feel an ache that is trying to take me under to the other side.
Allowing my mind and spirit to feel these emotions is necessary. It’s necessary so I know you were real….it’s necessary so I won’t allow you back in.
The disappointment is the biggest pain. From all of the words and phrases I used to describe my sorrow…..disappointment takes the win. I feel this way because you allowed me to think that you were different. That you actually valued me and the love I gave to you. You are so smart….I expected you to be the one….the one to stay. But there’s the word….”expected” you are set in your ways. The last sword you pushed through my chest is still pulsing. You know how to wear a mask well. But I will thank you. Along this short journey with you….you taught me there were parts of me that needed nurturing. you taught me how to be the boss of my own mind. The problem is….you are the one that needs the lesson of true authentic love….and a true authentic woman. I will recover from the trauma like I always do….needless to say…..you are well and happy. You have plenty of options. Well so do I….but I only wanted you to be that one option for me. I wanted to be your only option. But just like a seed with no soil or water…..we will never grow.