I know you\'re out there,
how are you?
I would be lying if I said I thought of you often.
But I do think of you.
I wonder if you feel the same.
Or have you detached,
to save yourself.
I know that feeling.
I hope you\'re well.
I hope whatever you\'re doing with whoever is good.
I hope it brings you happiness.
I hope it distracts you.
I wonder if you have a plan,
or picture a future with us in it.
I\'ve thought about contacting you.
But my imagination is cut short,
as it would come with a cost.
I\'d loose what you lost, to see you.
To see you, would be seen as an act of betrayal.
I\'d be exiled.
But I still have thought about it,
if that means anything.
I know your birthday is around December time.
I\'m occasionally reminded.
I was recently asked what were my plans for fathers day.
I\'ve never been asked that.
I\'m unsure what the plans could even look like.
In a way,
I don\'t feel the loss of your role,
as I feel like I haven\'t had it for the entirety of my life.
When you were here,
it\'s hard to remember what it was like.
I know a lot of it wasn\'t great,
and maybe some good.
I do actually remember some good.
But it\'s hard to remember everything.
I don\'t know if i was ever concerned of your role as my father,
but more of your role to my mother.
I saw everything bad,
and little good.
I honestly don\'t remember any good.
I\'m sorry for the loss of your father,
I know it was ages ago,
but I think of it.
I have a picture from your parents,
it\'s on my wall.
I also have a picture from you,
it\'s also on my wall.
I have a screenshot of your number somewhere,
if it is still the right one.
I hope that when,
and if I eventually message you, it\'s the right one.
I don\'t know how else to find you otherwise.
I hope you don\'t hold any resentment,
I\'m scared and have been scared for so long.