Cold nights shivering in a metal box
Alone again cus life sucks
I wish I had made better decisions
I wish I could go back and change the way I was
Waking up to cops that knock
On my car window cus I can’t park There
Ive gotta go elsewhere
But hey
They pity me
So they offer to fill my tank
Up with gas
Cus they feel so bad
For my circumstance
But then they say stay safe! don’t let these hard days
Get to you
Oh but they don’t got a clue
So I say
thanks, I’ll be on my way 😊
In and out of shelters
Im just the one that’s judged for taking the last cot
When I could just sleep in my car
But whats the fun in that
Drowning in fear each night for months
That something bad could happen all at once
Dealing with all these problems
All I could do was shallow them
And play this game silently
I wish I could take back my youth
Be a better mom to myself than the one that didn’t have a clue
What she was going to do
I wish my grandma didn’t fail me either
She knew I was homeless yet she said deal with it
How was I supposed to predict
That this night would creep up so fast on us
How was I supposed to know this would happen
I always thought I’d be fine
That my parents would find a home on time
And I’d never have to deal with with domestic violence
But they’re still going thru the worst of it
Just a result of a failed support system
Now im safe here in college
Ive realized Ive gotta get thru this
Swallow the feelings and the things that I crave
Don’t drink alcohol when i feel so strange
It’s hard to have stability
After going thru all these things
I have unlimited food and warmth
And I shouldn’t complain
Cus everything is great
Not worrying about anything but these petty little due dates
Everyones so stressed about them
But Ive had bigger problems
Im just glad I can handle it
Im getting there slowly
But my emotions
Get in the way
They Cloud me day to day
I want to go back but I know I can’t
Cus if I do then I will lack
The skills i need to provide for myself
But then again what do I deserve
I don’t deserve much of anything
I deserve to sleep in my car alone
In the parking lot of a hotel,
The local Walmart, or a hospital
All those places I call my home
I missed the comfort in
Feeling freezing cold
I felt I belonged in the snow
Now I can barely sleep
Cus I must keep
Survivors guilt
And the traumas thats built
Into my mind
I hope things can get better in time.