Tristan Robert Lange

Pass the Turkey, Praise the Lord!

Sweet, precious Jesus, life has been so sweet;

We thank our dear Lord for all the sweet meat.

Can someone please pass the plate of turkey—

Sweet, precious Jesus, this looks really sweet—

Yes, that’s it...and the rutebeagas too!

Now, for real, it is time for that gravy—

Can someone please pass more of the turkey—

Sweet, precious Jesus, nothing’s been more sweet;

I’ll skip the green bean casserole, thank you.

Wait, that’s it? I said rutebeagas too!

Now, again, it’s high time for that gravy—

Sweet, baby Jesus, nothing tastes more sweet;

Can someone please pass that dang ol’ turkey?

Skip that creamed green bean casserole, thank you.

White, like the breast, makes right. Keep the dark out.

What the hell? I said rutebeagas too!

For God’s sake, it’s time for that damn gravy—

Can someone please pass that effing turkey?

Mary birthed Jesus! Nothing cooks more sweet;

Skip that creamed green bean yuckerole, dammit!

Who let immigrants in here, anyhow?

White, like the breast, the best. Keep the dark out.

What the fuck?! The rutebeagas too, jerk!

For Christ’s sake, it’s time for that white gravy—

Can someone pass that whole forking turkey?

Skip that shit-green bean yuckerole, dammit!

They all killed Jesus! Nothing smells more sweet.

We give our thanks to our great president.

Who will now deport immigrants out for good.

What the fuck?! The rutebeagas, asshat!

White Christ crucified! It’s time for that gravy—

Will someone pass that white forking turkey?

You can shit green bean yuckerole, dammit!

Forget that Jesus! Nothing feels more sweet;

Please bless us dear lord! We’ve got the sweet meat.

Poet’s Note:

Written in my original Revelatory Cascade form. A satire of Thanksgiving’s sanctimony — a holiday built on stolen land, selective gratitude, and the same xenophobia people pretend they’ve risen above.

First published on tristanrobertlange.com, November 27, 2025.

Tittu