We had a thief to clean our house
And she really did clean us out.
I didn\'t lock up my jewelry.
So, she took the pieces away,
And replaced them with tawdry fakes.
But I didn\'t notice at all
Because I had sleep apnea.
So, I walked in a haze all day.
It wasn\'t only jewelry.
She helped herself to ornaments
Hanging on our Christmas tree.
And a pair of pewter mushrooms,
That were salt and pepper shakers.
And a hundred dollar bill and
My dad\'s old wallet that I\'d kept,
After he died,
With a photo of mom inside.
In the end we stopped the service.
Then I heaved a sigh of relief
To be fully done with that thief.
But one day I was going through
My son\'s night table, just to see
Where else her light fingers had been
After everything you wouldn\'t think
That anything could touch me when
I saw the empty box and knew
She\'d swiped his baptism candle, too.