when i return home
i am putting records on the player
and watching them spin
wishing i could move
as fast as them
without my over-excited
hyperactive heart
trying the same trick
and i am dimming the lights
until they are a soft, gentle
candle-kind of yellow
without any candles
because the flame
is a little too unpredictable
for my liking
i will make sure my sheets
are fresh and clean
place my cat in the middle of
a nest, blankets
leave him purring in the corner of
my bed
and i know, even when
everything is cosy
my clothes are warm
when the world is cold
and i had just enough
marshmallows left
for my hot chocolate
the panic
has not left
she pokes her head
around my door
and the darkness
seeps out from the cracks
my walls, once pink
now turn black
the strain is still
very much there
anger, confusion
exhaustion and pain
they come again, i know
the absence of mess does not
make a difference to
the mess in my head
instead
i lay
wrap myself in comfort
acknowledge the hurt
i am trying
and i learned
even when my
thoughts are screaming
i still deserve healing
i try to
make my space
one for healing.
12:52pm - 09/12/25