the claws sink
into the soft
skin of my hand
drag themselves, firmly
deeper into the flesh
and pull out, dripping
crimson
sharp
i follow them
with my eyes
expecting to find
a wolf, rabid,
ready to tear me in half
for committing the crime
of living a life
but i follow
the claws, to the paw,
the leg
and i find
not fangs
but fur
ginger and white
nose, pink, damp and twitching
eyes, green, bright and alive
I reach out the hand, gingerly
wincing
bloody scratch glistening
he brushes his head
against my palm
the need
to be held
is not only human
but universal
i pat, twice
the empty space on my chest
and he nestles
where my heart should have been
curled up and purring
body vibrating and whirring
far softer than my heart ever was
once, it was me
sinking my nails
into the skin of my hand
dragging my claws through flesh
to distract from every
anxious catastrophe
that could not sit still
once, it was me
emerging with claws
dripping crimson
sharp, but existent
when i did not feel real
the blood on my palms was an anchor
even in my anger
i am alive
i am reisisting
the urge to give up on this life
and i ache
for the day
i can curl
on someone\'s chest
and let the thoughts rest
but my nails
have not bled
for such a long time
i am learning
to love this life
and all i can find
the need
to be held
is universal, yes
but human too
so i hold his paws
in my palms
here, i am calm
and my hands are
cat scratched
but not torn by my nails
even when i fail
i kiss the backs of my hands
i am beginning to understand
i hold my cat
in my hands
and breathe
this is exactly
where i am meant to be.
13:01pm - 19/01/26.