On this page lies a door
The illusions fade away
A guilt consumes me
I coundnt confuse it with a lid opening slightly
Letting a mild amount in
It hits me like a train with no breaks and no other course
I shouldve lived with her
I shouldve been able to invite her to my wedding
She shouldve stayed even if just for a moment longer
She shouldve been here showing me all i didnt know how to do
All im still unsure about
All that she knew and i still dont
She shouldve stayed for just a moment longer
Just to see her sitting next to me
Downing food
Like it was her last meal
Until finally it was
who am i trying to impress now
Makeup caked on my face
I don’t know if it fun anymore or if
Its a mask
A mask to hide all the imperfections
All the insecurities
All the guilt
All the parts of me that arent “pretty”
All the parts of me that arent up to standard or who i should and should be
I know her guardian angel tried
But she was too deep to listen
In the end every conversation ended in rhetorical answers
Maybe she would still be here if maybe just maybe
The judge had sentenced her
The council had wanted it too for her
I would be able to have one more day with her
In summary i want what i can no longer have and will never have again
I want a future that is impossible