A hummingbird, with iridescent feathers
Caught at just the right time
Can, for barely a second
Flare, ripple
Into a rainbow-silvery flash of colour
A jewel, swallowing the sun
Only for a breath
One flicker
Then its done
And the heart, of this creature
Can, in flight, reach 1200 beats per minute
Which is how mine sometimes feels
When my body
Doesn’t quite know how to dim it
Over twenty beats a second
So fast, it almost hums
When I am lying, in a
Starched, white-sheet bed
With a blazing fire in my head
And a thumping in my chest
They ask me
Have you been taking your meds?
And I laugh
The only time my heart is slow
Is when I am pouring
All that I know
Onto a note
And letting it go
The only time
The pace of my
Overexcited heart is
Right
Is when I write
So I, really
Quite literally write
To save my own life
And the heart, of a hummingbird
Almost 3 percent of their body mass
A heart that is not only
Quivering
But also bursting
Out of their body
Sometimes, in my grief
I feel my chest skin stretch
Thinly, weakly
Over a heart that is
Bursting
Out of my body
Despite it, even I
In the right light
Can shine
Pearly-rainbow, iridescent feathers
Fluttering in the sun
Only for a breath
Before it is done
I am built
To survive, not amaze
But when I open my eyes
I have done both
Both
The hummingbird
And I
Are alive
Flapping our wings to
Save our own lives
A heart
That has never once known gentle
Doctors
Who think we are mental
Beautifully crafted disasters
Hearts
Forever beating faster
I cup the beating bird
In my palms
And swear to look after
The both of us
I swear
To look after
The both of us.
23:17pm - 22/01/26 - in my bed.