Tristan Robert Lange

Fine Print

Jesus loves you,

Don’t you all know?

The holy Bible

Tells each of us so

You are weak—

Don’t get us wrong—

That’s why we teach you

This very song.

Listen up, now,

He just wants your heart.

If you give it,

You’ll have done your part.

Trust us, you’ll be fine,

Cleansed from your sin—

Once you accept us—

We will let you in.

Please believe us,

Believe what we say,

We can’t love you

If we know you ‘re gay.

And though never said,

We will assure you

That our assumptions

Are all that is true.

Once you are in,

We’ll give you the rules;

Take our yoke—heavy—

You’ll become our mules.

Should you try to leave,

Well, that won’t be swell!

We’ll call you sinner—

Pray your soul to hell.

First published on tristanrobertlange.com, January 29, 2026.

Tittu