I don\'t know how to
Explain my depression.
I\'ve been high three times in
My life, each
Time I wasn\'t even supposed to
Survive.
It was dark and cold even though
It was spring and I can only
Remember four moments across
All of them, and by all of them I
Mean I can\'t remember the first two
So really just the third one.
I think depression is like that.
I can\'t remember things anymore;
Feels like a fog and I swear I\'m always
Hiding my eyes so people can\'t see
How dilated my pupils are.
The thing is,
Pupils also dilate when you think of
Something you love.
When I think of my depression
And all the shit I did to hurt outside
Like I did on the inside,
I swear one would assume I\'m
Thinking about her.
The thing is,
Pupils also dilate when it\'s dark,
So they can let more light in.
I couldn\'t see the light.
I swear I tried, maybe not as
Hard as I could have,
But I tried and the light wasn\'t there.
I don\'t know how to
Explain my depression.
I guess I could explain it
As if it\'s a weighted blanket.
That is to say,
I can\'t sleep without mine anymore.