I know. I’ve always known. Children are innocently blunt. Adults are ignorant at best, and malicious at worst. I think our family tried. But the moments of awkward silence. The not so quiet snide comments. The looks of judgement.
I knew what I looked like and why it was bad before I ever had a chance at beating you at Mario kart. Before my baby dolls felt noticeably hollow. Before we stopped playing Pokémon. I knew for sure I was fat by kindergarten. I let it sink in that my nose was too big in 7th grade. I knew my shoulders were too broad in 5th. I knew my hair was too curly and frizzy in preschool. We both know there’s more, but why get into all of it really.
I was always envious of you. I always will be. It’s not fair to you, because it’s not your fault. My beautiful sister. You’ve faced things I wouldn’t understand. And I’ll never tell you what our family used to say about me when you weren’t around. I’m so sorry something innocent and inherent about you makes me feel so insecure. I promise I’m trying. I know. I’ve always known.
Love,
The ugly sister