I feel like I’m being pulled apart in a game of tug a of war between G-d and the devil. Scripture brings me up just in time for the demons to pull me back in their direction as soon as they catch my attention sway. Why can’t there be a permanent victory on the side of the righteous once and for all? This tightrope I am teetering on is trepidatious towards the days ahead and a cause for concern.
What is it that threatens the devil about me? It is a mystery that I have been trying to understand. As is the savior’s win over the conquests of my life.
My attempts to be indestructible and infallible are short lived. Yet somehow, something always takes a hold of me through the dust of doubt that lingers too long. And the people here - they just don’t understand my seemingly capacious conflict of arms. Deeming me inadequate of a peaceful life. Am I not deserving of such just as any other? Why this push and pull? This confusion? Jarring me to places that only I am led? If it be such, then excuse the days when I am out of sorts and redeem my strength on days I refuse to relent. Those are the days of my life. Incongruent and timelessly held captive in a barrier of good and evil. Of yin and yang. Seems like I’m tethered and bound between two interloping ties, like an ever twisted braid. Branded to a lock and key once opened then closed solely for those whose access relies on their insatiable appetite to win, as they both juxtapose their will onto me unscrupulously. A play without any visible or detectable players. A play without end. An inconceivable tort meekly thrust with injustice as the rules constantly change to suit whosever side is characterized in thought of his next move. A checkmate of sorts at my expense.