Twas the umpteenth time
the wife kicked the \"sir\" courtesy
stealth bomber engineered him out of bed,
cuz not only did my body exhibit
involuntary leg twitching
but my whole bag
of lovely bones went thrashing
like the tooth gnasher superflasher,
and of course, said spouse
gave me Das Boot
(in the groin -
even in the pitch black bedroom,
she scored a doozy
and nullified thoughts
of offspring with a future wife,
where those rapier like toenails, -
especially the big bad one -
not so shoddy first time vasectomy -
often referred to as \"the snip,\"
this procedure acts
as a permanent form of birth control
by cutting or sealing
the vas deferens tubes,
preventing sperm from
mixing with semen)
during the wee hours
earlier this morning
(March 28th, 2026)
found me groping in the dark
without my glasses
to locate the easy chair,
when upon instantaneously lying supine
my body electric zonked out
into the outer limits
of the twilight zone,
where dark shadows
loomed large along
the imagined edge of night
into the realm of the subconscious
where then scary grown forty something
Matthew Scott dreamt about -
after watching the television show
relived Maggie and the Ferocious Beast
with his then two preschool daughters
and Hamilton Hocks
made his regularly scheduled appearance,
with the phrase \"great googly moogly.\"
I felt like a veteran from a war-zone
falling out of the sky without a parachute
more calamitous than
riding a bicycle without handlebars,
especially cause yours truly
felt completely disoriented
(as if he - the grand teetotaler
took one to many drinks
from a strong bootlegged liquor
Hebrew with gentiles)
and out of his ordinary
elements of style,
which thee inimitable Strunk and White
would be pleased to know.
But all joking aside
side effects from one or more
of the nine prescription medications
taken at night (before beddy bye boo ski)
somehow triggered Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS),
or Willis-Ekbom disease,
a common neurological disorder
causing an uncontrollable urge
to move the legs,
typically accompanied
by uncomfortable sensations
like crawling or tingling
(not so much in my case),
where symptoms worsen
during rest or inactivity
in the evening or night,
significantly disrupting sleep
for another significant other
deeply submerged within her/his
rem cycles before getting thwacked
at the most poignant point
during the dream
can be quite aggravating
where all\'s not well
that doth not end well,
unlike that August 25th, 2019
when good times to be had
found us playing round of
bouncy bouncy and broke bed
and when thrust upward
nearly knocked ourselves senseless
unexpectedly two talking heads
prior to hashtagging the other
as genius of love until bitta bing bitta bang
we busted mouldering.
Just before stroke o\' that midnight
slated date above zee wife,
i.e. the missus, aboot
same width and height
quite an oompa loompa),
she presented quite
oh...somewhat garrulous,
hilarious, illustrious...sight,
what with her
swelled up Betelgeuse orange
flesh somewhat Sunkist bright
strove to bounce this light
resting, loafing, humming
like mister kite,
who always takes a nap before sleep
got unstrung with minor fright
when both of us suddenly heard \"thud,\"
and driver side regarding single bunk
slumped noticeably lower, which excite
meant elicited presenting reedsy challenge,
and strategizing avoid rolling on floor,
a humorous lock horned dilemma plight,
she analogous to human meteorite
precariously propped, positioned, perched
provided us place to repose
courtesy eldest daughter,
who also gave us ample pillows fortnight
prior to her relocating to San Francisco,
California, a stellar future
\"star student\" sought to ignite
where struggling dirt poor
mama and papa squeezed, pinched
jinxed financially tight
scrambling to remain homeless
which dire circumstance... right,
would immediately curtail
ample leisure time to write.
Out of necessity, we could live
in 2009 Hyundai Sonata until cold
temperatures idle forced us to hold
each other, this despite
my tendency to twitch, a told
foregone conclusion spelling misery,
especially if the snoring mold
did doughy wife
(think Pillsbury dough boy)
additionally prone to scold
and get snappy if unable to affix
CPAP contraption told
to attach to face when lying down
to alleviate sleep Apnea
a common malady bold
forthright primary care physician
stated excess weight major
contributing factor never foretold
back in the day when spouse
light as feather, and yet
contradictory cuz each fold
of adipose tissue
increases her cost when
measured against gold.