Dilapidated mind
keeping me up all night
tornado blows loud outside
ruins stay ruined in lieu of
calm where the over-caffeinated high
lays the derelict foundation
of Who Is “I”? I
want a dime in the fountain,
the floodwater to ice,
a happy-fated lie
to keep me satiated while I
spend all my time
trying to find some peace of mind
white flags between my brain’s left and right
surrender the fight that\'s gone on forever
on and off with off as the doctor’s eye I need
for cauterized lines on wrist skin traced with
sappy-weighted smiles crying evaporated tears
pistons catch to compress it all to fit in my head
soon to burst before the ache burns less or
the nurse assistant checks my vital signs again—
my heart is slow-beating against my ribs
in the jerry-built reverie that keeps me in
but it reads 80 to 130 in a single second
and so my lungs can stay swaying within
the blood carries and releases the oxygen
I’m asked from one to ten, I think eleven
people argue in my head as I try to find zen:
the birds chirp a song in words I can’t decipher
nature’s trees protect their nests like a mother
electric circuits in my head forget their inner rings
my age is a mystery, so cut me up my lover
blood so thick a hydraulic system is required
still searching for the zen I so desperately need
I shut my eyes but all the world stays living.