I believed I could mold it—
that if I kept my voice measured
and my reasons alluring, debauched, persuasive,
the wrong thing would come out clean.
I drank the elixir that coronates a man
without asking where his kingdom lies,
a liquid that turned appetite into law.
I mistook wanting
for knowing.
Everyone stood silent while I tried
to forge it into shape.
I don’t live that high anymore.
I recognize who sits on the throne
and how little He needs my engineering.