i remember
when my name lit up your phone
like it meant something
like i meant something
you used to say i was your favorite distraction
your favorite notification
your favorite part of your day
and i believed you
not because you said it once—
but because you said it
like you felt it
like it lived somewhere real inside you
and maybe it did
maybe in that moment
i really was
you saw me
in a way that felt rare
like i didn’t have to filter myself
like i didn’t have to hold anything back
i felt seen
in the most vulnerable way
and now…
i feel invisible
in the most fragile way
i’m standing in the space
where that energy used to exist
and it’s quieter there
not gone—
just quieter
like the volume got turned down
and nobody told me when
or why
you’re still sweet
and somehow that makes it worse
because i can’t point to anything and say
“that’s what broke this”
there’s no sharp edge
no harsh words
no clear ending
just a slow drift
from depth
to surface
from “my Rachel”
to something softer
something less certain
and i hate that i miss it
i miss the way i made you feel
like you couldn’t wait to talk to me
i miss the way you made me feel
like i didn’t have to question anything
like i was chosen
without hesitation
now i hesitate
now i check
and recheck
and tell myself not to
now i feel the shift
before i can even explain it
and the worst part?
i don’t think you’re trying to hurt me
i think you just…
stopped meeting me where you found me
so i sit here wondering
if i was ever really your favorite anything
or if i just showed up
at the right time
with the right heart
and gave you something
you needed
until you didn’t
but here’s what i’m learning
even if it hurts to say out loud
I am not here
to be someone’s almost
I am not here
to be felt deeply
and then held lightly
I am not here
to shrink
just because something shifted
I am still
that girl
the one who shows up
the one who feels
the one who loves
like it’s real
and maybe one day
someone won’t just call me
their favorite notification
they’ll show me
every single day
that I am