My Sadness
It reaches beyond my mind
And scratches me and those I love
As a kid, I was happy, ignorant, and I loved and played
After Mom left, I buried me in my mind
Withdrew into a shell that I thought protected me
I’d sit on the rocks in the mountains
For hours, everyday
Hiding from the world
The manzanita trees and schrub oak stared at me
Wondering
The rocks left imprints on my ass
Like my scarred memories left on my soul
I didn\'t know where to put it and so I buried all the pain
Hidden from my daily thoughts
But it trickled out over 34 years
A rare sickness that metastasized
Spread deep into you and my family
And ruined us
I\'ll carry this pain and sadness with me
Until the universe itself stops expanding
I hope forgiveness lives inside you, some day
The pain and bruises, please trust that they will fade away
Like dead leaves do
Let the leaves fertilize your heart and mind
Don’t let me and my actions continue to ruin you
And find someone to build a white picket fence with
A lovely soul who helps build a moat around your heart and loves you justly
Who will guard it fiercely
Someone that deserves you and your smile
And that deserves the same from you
Allows you to grow into your power
Your power!
It will tower over your heart and the lives you touch
When you are ready, let yourself grow into it
Lean into it like standing against hurricane wind
I love you forever