You\'re opening a Tin and the Ring Pull snaps:
The Telephone Rings when you\'re having a Nap.
Awaiting with joy a Billet doux in the Mail:
But there\'s Leaflets on \'Drainage\' and a \'Great Carpet Sale\'.
Going out for the Night with much Styling of Hair:
A Gale then picks up by the time you get there.
You think you\'re \'The Fonz\' they\'ll be Girls to Romance:
But it\'s Crazy Edward Scissorhands that arrives at the Dance.
Your seat in the Cinema is next to the Chump:
Who uses a Straw like a loud Suction Pump.
The TV Set blows , a Million to One:
And just before Poirot explains how it\'s done.
The Wife of your friend is Glamorous and Hot:
Yours Wife\'s like a Hobo and Belchers a lot.
The Reunion at School that shows life isn\'t fair:
When the 2nd Year Drop Out is a Thrice Millionaire.
You arrive at the Dentist and the Surgeon you meet:
Has the breath to fell a Rhino at 200 feet.
But of the great many trials in this strenuous old life,
The kick in the Groin that causes much Strife-
It\'s one of those Poems about the Things that we Hate:
Written by a Idiot who\'s easily Irate.