When I applied to transfer in 2020,
I do not remember worrying
about rejection.
I applied to four universities,
and the acceptances kept arriving,
one after another,
and my anxiety came
when it was time to choose.
Now it is 2026.
I have applied to one graduate program:
Texas Tech University’s
M.A. in English.
Back then,
I worried about where to go next
But now,
I worry about something else.
Something I have seen
again and again
in emails,
through the lack of an email,
and in the status section of a job application:
Rejected.
I have learned
that wanting something
does not mean
you always get it.
I have lived life.
I have beaten cancer.
But now the anxiety has returned
this time, with a different question.
It is small, but it is there,
repeating itself:
Will I actually be accepted
like I was back then?