It is strange
This year I am balancing
what seems to be
very distinct,
very heavy,
conflicting emotions
And there\'s many of them
Today,
I am proud to be my father\'s daughter
To have been one of his
last achievements,
in his too short life
Today,
I am mourning the dad
I only got to experience
for 436 days
Today,
I am celebrating my husband
as the incredible father
to our daughter
All these feelings
go far deeper,
yet it seems I can only scratch
at the surface
I am grateful to have had
the dad that I did
I am torn that he has been gone
for twenty one,
nearly twenty two years
For he would have loved to
celebrate Father\'s Day
as a grandpa
to two precious girls
And I am at a loss of words
to describe how it feels
seeing my daughter
growing up with
a father that loves her
more than anything,
that is involved and active
She has everything in him
that I was robbed of
with my own father
And the emotion is not jealousy
Or anger, even
It is closer to a
sad and deep
longing,
that has been stretched out
over two decades
And a mix of
uncontrollable
happiness,
the kind that makes
your eyes water
And though today is for fathers,
I get to give my daughter
a gift,
a father for her to keep,
to love her, to hold her, and be there
as she goes about this life
.t.h-b.