Man, I’m hungry. What is there to eat?
Walk into kitchen, open fridge and you see..
Oh.. fuck.. ingredients and nothing..
Ingredients go in bread… don’t you fuckin judge me..
Step 1: Get bread. Step 2: Find a plate.
Step 3: Open fridge. Step 4: Debate.
Is that chicken from last week or a science project?
You sniff. You cough. You vomit. regret.
Step 5, should I add this Vegemite to the blend?
Step 6, nah screw this, get advice from a friend.
Step 7, cut the bread slices you need at least two
Step 8, oh my god what the fuck am I to doooooo?!
[Chorus]
It’s a sandwich, mate, how hard could it be?
Apparently 43 steps and a loss of sanity.
You just wanted lunch, but now you’re deep in a war.
You dropped strawberry jam, now your subconscious’s on the floor
We’re on step 10 and there’s like 4 ingredients,
but they’re not in any order and my stress level’s at medium.
Open the cabinet now, maybe there’s some hope left…
Step 11, throw out the cereal, I’m sure it’s possessed.
Step 12: I threw the mayo coz it’s gone fucking rogue.
Step 13: *googling* “how to cope with floored egg yolk.”
14: “she shel-sea- no, she sells she- see… UGH
Step 19: Existential dread,
You’re arguing with lettuce about what you just said.
The lettuce goes “who the hell needs 43 steps bro?”
And you’re like “skipped 5 steps, get on my fucking level, yo!”
[Chorus]
It’s a sandwich, mate, now you’re bleeding again,
You stubbed your toe on a wanted man.
The toaster’s laughing, your cat’s joined a cult,
And your therapist called… it’s all your fault.
Step 20, take a break, a minute and a half.
Step 21, remember you’re hungry and stuff…
Step 22, grab that pesky lettuce and a knife…
Step 23, felt sorry and started to cry
Step 24 I can’t do this anymore,
25 need motivation listen to music I adore,
Like Ren, and then, some fuckin Eminem,
Step 26, grab that lettuce again..
Step 27: Your knife’s gone blunt.
Step 28: You question your whole lunch.
29: What is a sandwich? What defines bread?
Who needs sandwiches when you got rolls instead?
[Chorus]
It’s a sandwich, mate, which step are we on?
Do we even have any condiments? One?
I’m a laughing stock to the dairy isle,
The doctor said to stop seeing him for a while.
Step three-zero we will make this a hero,
Starting on the next step, insert one whole burrito
And step 32 we can start going crazy…
Marshmallow soufflé? A girl named Tracy?
Step 34 because Tracy’s 33,
add some Parmesan and some mozzarella cheese
Step 35: Make peace with tomato,
36: Apologise to the Slavs and then add potato.
Step 37: onion it all up, lad
Don’t be shy, 38 ketchup just a tad
Step 39: Wait, what happened to cheese?
Oh right; it left you for a vegan Portuguese.
[Chorus]
It’s a sandwich, mate, GIVE ME YOUR MONEY RIGHT NOW! I SAID RIGHT FUCKIN NOW! PUT YOUR HANDS UP- wait.. is that a 43 step sandwich? Woahh.. I’ve never seen one in rea- oh you’re still building it? Damn.. ok carry on.
The 40th step, we’re getting there dude!
Put up the finish line so you know it’s true.
Step 41 and everything goes slow motion,
You walk to the fridge once again and brew a potion.
Potion of regeneration, the perfect cold drink,
For if you get sick, that’s a good measure I think.
Step 42 holy shit dude what’s next?! Perhaps the tusk of a wooly mammoth!
And finally… take a deep breath of satisfaction.
Grab a sharper knife and cut it half a fraction
Step 43 is just around the corner,
But first that lady wants some, I have to go warn’her
[Chorus]
It’s a sandwich, mate, you made it at last!
You’ve endured trauma, made peace with the past.
It’s burnt and upside down, and tastes kinda wrong,
But by god, you made a sandwich… and it only took this song.
[Outro]
And thus concludes the tale of one man’s quest.
He came for lunch… and left with a sandwich-shaped.. whatever the fuck that is...
Step 43: Eat. Cry. Shit your bowels out. Repeat.