Vigorously plowing through the stars,
The cosmos beckon all around.
Thrusters roar as the Earth shrinks away.
For glory and greatness he is bound.
Spaceman Dickie at the helm,
His dreams given life in the Heavens above.
Driven by adulation from his fans,
Giving praise and undying love.
To the Moon he sets his sights,
A crew of three with one tweaking out.
The crackhead navigator itching and twitching,
Mumbling insanely, flailing about.
He snorted too much, it threw off his math.
In front of his screen, sat still for a while,
Then began shouting incorrect numbers...
Missed the Moon by a country Mile!
How he got drugs aboard, no one was sure.
Mysterious, but Dickie had a pretty good hunch.
Confirmed by Houston upon touching down,
Seems security had all gone to lunch.
All future flights cancelled til a new crew was found,
Dickie retired to his office to think.
Who to call? What to do?
He bypassed the phone book and reached for the drink!
Inspiration came in haze.
To his former copilot he made a call.
Three more members, a crew of five,
This time he was certain... TO DRUG TEST THEM ALL!
A new mission finally!
Ascending into the cold and the dark
Bedazzled by stars and the goal in the distance,
To the Angry, Red Planet they now embark!
All was well til a sight caught the eye
Of Dickie who\'s crew brandished matching mugs.
What should\'ve been coffee was green and aglow,
They toasted each other and started to chug!
Contorting bodies, coughing and choking,
Cries of agony as they shift and morph.
Skin changing color, slime starts to pour,
In place of arms and legs, tentacles form!
Horrific as it was, the change was intended.
The meaning behind it? Insignificant!
No benefit to them, really and truly.
Changed themselves fully just to be different!
Said Dickie \"Are you out of your Goddamn minds!?
You gained nothing! Not pro nor quo nor quid!
Mutated yourselves for shits and giggles
Ya fucknut, hipster space squids!\"
The space squids protested \"Why you hatin man?
You hand havin normies always diss the switch!\"
To which Dickie replied
\"Well cogito ergo sum a bitch!\"
Boarding a shuttle, he returned to Earth
Wearing disappointment like a disgraced monarch\'s crown.
Back to nothing, with nothing
Into the sauce soon to drown.
The ground below seems ever more gray
When the stars no longer grace his sight.
Sinking deeper into the bottle,
A distant tune begins to chime.
Awake in a daze, he finds a message
From old pal Rick, now Spaceman Ricky.
His childhood friend in need of a crew mate,
To fly with him and navigator Micky.
So the trio soared the cosmic sea,
Through Saturn\'s rings and farther more,
To foreign suns and planets far
That lesser men wouldn\'t dare to explore!
But with every mission, enthusiasm died.
Ricky and Micky became so weary
Of the increasing distance from their home
And deep space ever cold and dreary.
All too soon they bid goodbye
To Dickie as they headed separate ways.
Back to Earth, despair and woe,
And liquid sorrow, his to claim.
In drunken stupor, one last option.
He walked out neath the midnight sky.
Despair given way to foolhardy ambition
Fully intent on flying high.
Even through a speck of doubt,
A ghost of a thought, he couldn\'t form it.
A thruster of sorts held in his hands,
Shot his own ass into orbit!
Lost in space forever more,
Brother Bobby left alone
With Mother, Father and an empty heart
That longs for Dickie to come home
And tell of his celestial escapades.
The family gathered round to hear.
Spared from the morning\'s cruel reminder
Of the day that Dickie disappeared.
Bobby\'s world became so empty
Missing his brother as he ages.
His youth flew by and still he\'s waiting
For Spaceman Dickie... always waiting.