You’re probably wondering why I’m phoning you.
It’s a hello call.
Not exactly.
You’re having a lesbian baby.
No, but I am single again.
Don’t tell me you dumped that man, woman.
Mary was the love of my life.
She was a brute; she would give Tarzan a run for his money.
Never mind that, do you remember when I was finding myself?
Remember it well: I was entering; you said, I think I’m a lesbian.
I know it was bad timing, but you taught me a lot.
So I did. My CV now reads, think you’re straight, I’ll change that.
How would you like to do it again?
Okay, you’re beginning to worry me now.
No, I realise you can turn people; you have a gift.
What do you want to turn into?
I want to be a straight lesbian, sort of.
I would love to help, but I’m in a relationship.
That’s okay; I can wait a week or two.
That’s quite funny; see, only lesbians could make jokes like that.
I know, I think you can re-lesbianise me.
Are you on drugs or something?
No, I liked being in bed with you; you never did anything for me, but I appreciated the effort.
Gee thanks. I’ll update my CV. Think you\'re straight? I’ll change that; you’ll be a lesbian tomorrow, with straight tendencies.
See, that’s what I like about you; you’re never bitter. You did say it was a battle to get me into bed; now I’m offering myself on a plate.
I appreciate that, but how does this make you a reborn lesbian?
That’s simple: I won\'t enjoy it with you; then I’ll realise what I’m missing.
Do you mean you’ll fake it?
Yes, but you won’t know.
I won’t.
No, I’ll dress provocatively and make all the usual noises.
I knew this would happen someday; the Twilight Zone would come along and take me away to a place where fairies would serenade me with tea and biscuits. Okay, just realised, that\'s an old folks home.
Okay, girl, let’s get faking.