April is the Cruelest Wife,
Every Avenue of Joy She will turn into Strife.
For Reading a \'Christie\' she will tell you quite plain,
The Person who did it, and drive you insane.
A Night with your friends she\'ll make you feel small,
By announcing your Preference in the Bedroom and all.
Laughs at your Clothes to make you depressed,
Worzel Gummidge she says is much better dressed.
Once I bought her a Ring that cost me the Earth,
She sold it on eBay at double the worth.
My Deep Purple Collection she said it must go,
Now it\'s 24/7 Barry Manilow.
Sneak Hot Peppers in your food for a laugh and a Jest,
Then Sweat like a Nun with a Pregnancy Test.
On my day off from work she rang my old Boss,
A most frightful Man who it\'s dangerous to cross,
With a message from me in a Raging Fit,
That he could take his Crap Job,
And just where he can put it.
So - a Holiday for two is what we need,
To fix an Old Marriage that\'s gone right to seed.
But beginning three Weeks, Costa Brava in Spain,
She ran off with the Waiter, I never saw her again.
For April is the Cruelest Wife,
And I forever regret my choice in this life.
But I\'ll leave Self Flagellation for another day:
As I\'m Courting her young Sister-
The delectable May.