i send a friend request
to a ghost, and sit in
silence, tears running down
my cheeks,
when, a year later,
you’re still not there
to accept it
and i bake a triple
layer birthday cake for
a girl that i loved,
a girl that has been gone
since i was nine and she
was ten
i put on my pirate garb,
do up the buttons even though
my hands shake, and try to
relive that one summer outing
we had together, double shot of
rum burning its way
down my throat
and i am a collection of
everyone i have ever loved,
of everyone i have ever lost,
collecting grief like stones and
shells worn smooth by the
crashing waves and the
passing of time
distance has not lessened
the ache of missing you,
there is no way to unwind
your hands from around my heart,
your fingers from between my ribs
and the grief is heavy on my tongue,
crying into the dinner i eat,
the dishes i do after,
joking about charging extra for the
salt at work, wanting nothing more
than to have you answer on the first ring,
just one more time
and i’m not sure if there really is
a sweet hereafter, or just nothing
at the final curtain close,
but i know you’re beside me
when i need you the most,
which is all the time,
which is all
the time