(Verse 1)
It was the year of our lord
Nineteen hundred and ninety six
Carl and Bryan descend on the village
Fixated on their fix
No morality or respect for others
Is how they abhorrently behave
Long neck screwdrivers concealed
A two-man petty crime wave
With the morals of hyenas
They\'re truly society\'s dregs
Picking on the weak and vulnerable
Enjoying stamping on heads
Making nuisances of themselves
At the local amusement fair
Homemade National Front tattoos
Pitbulls, parole and shaven hair
Getting high whatever the cost
The slope they\'re on is slippery
Alcohol, weed and solvents
They worship stupidity
One pound per litre white cider
Two for one special offers
Glugged down with gusto
Their vision spinning like the waltzer
A parasitic pair of plonkers
Who think torturing animals is a laugh
When they\'re running low on money
They like their solvents and tins of gas
(Chorus)
The patron saint of noxious solvents
A malevolent neon entity
He flashes green and purple
He\'s known as Mr Zippy
Show him disrespect at your peril
And he\'ll slowly crack your crown
Nightmareish painful visions
In your screams you\'ll drown
(Verse 2)
Their next stop is the auto shop
Damp Start catching delinquent eyes
If there were awards for stupidity
They\'d certainly take top prize
Intended for use on sparkplugs
To keep them firing in damp weather
The crème de la crème of solvents
Poison vapours aren\'t made any better
Swept up in comatosing currents
With carcinogens in their sails
Breathing slow and rhythmically
Inhaling like blue whales
Green and purple blotters leak
Filling their distorted vision
He starts to manifest
A malevolent apparition
At first they laugh and point
At Zippy\'s cartoonish flashing features
But they\'re about to be taught a lesson
From the most tyrannical of teachers
Carl and Bryan are comatose
Now paralysed with fear and dread
Zippy points his pulsating finger
Metallic teeth cutting into their heads
A sickening crack and searing pain
As the zipper begins to pull
Pink flesh parting like the Red Sea
A fault line fracturing in their skulls
(Chorus)
The patron saint of noxious solvents
A malevolent neon entity
He flashes green and purple
He\'s known as Mr Zippy
Show him disrespect at your peril
And he\'ll slowly crack your crown
Nightmareish painful visions
In your screams you\'ll drown
(Verse 3)
They\'re extremely hard of thinking
So Zippy teaches them a lesson
Moving from malevolent to benevolent
Like a curse becomes a blessing
It\'s much more effective to show than tell
As common sense they lack
They\'re shown their near future
They\'re addicted to crack and smack
It begins by chasing the dragon
A detrimental pastime they chose
Soon to be administered intravenously
Straight between their crooked toes
Now hobbling everywhere
But that\'s just part and parcel
A predictable symptom
Of amputated metatarsals
Passing out from the shock of their vision
Waking buried in matching graves
Experiencing the excruciating future
If they refuse to change their ways
Now shown their alternate paths
If they\'d only stop solvents and thinners
Happy holidays and festivities
Xmas dinners with all the trimmings
A soft focus fragile cotton dream
Where they have families of their own
With well mannered happy children
Raised in a stable loving home
(Chorus)
The patron saint of noxious solvents
A malevolent neon entity
He flashes green and purple
He\'s known as Mr Zippy
Show him disrespect at your peril
And he\'ll slowly crack your crown
Nightmarish painful visions
In your screams you\'ll drown
(Spoken word outro)
They now help at the homeless shelter
At least that\'s what I\'m told
Volunteering in the soup kitchen
Helping old ladies across the road
So if you kill brain cells by the millions
In order to escape reality often
Just know that boffing solvents
Will never solve your problems
If you\'re susceptible to substances
Please choose sobriety instead
Or a green and purple flashing entity
May put a zipper on your head