the safest place to be was in the dark
it didn’t judge me, didn’t yell at me
didn’t make me feel as if i was ‘too much’ for having newfound emotions.
i’m human, a new one at that.
what were you expecting from me? immediate maturity?
i was fresh to the world, but your cruelty rotted me.
ripped my flesh strip by strip, causing me to deteriorate from the inside out.
til i was nothing but a small fraction of a whole person.
all i wanted was love, but love never came.
all i wanted was comfort, protection.
but alas, it never came.
tears streaming down my face.
heart scraping away at my chest trying to break free; head hurting from all the internal screams.
eyes becoming too blurry each passing second.
then, i found you.
my back pressed against your skin, cold.
but comforting in it’s own way.
you quieted the sounds outside just enough
so i could let your embrace take me.
my solace.
my new safe haven.
my new home.
you always existed in every shell i’ve lived in, yet i just used you to store my costumes in.
but you became so much more than just a place to store my garments-
you became a place of safety.
a place of peace.
a place that i had ever only asked in the shadows of my mind to ever experience.
& you gave it with open arms.
only problem is- it’s dark…
so dark that i can feel the fear of the unknown creeping in.
part of me wanted to leave, but i always stayed.
& you’d let me.
for as ever long as i needed.
you held me in that space, with all the clutter, until i decided i was better.
we interacted quite a bit in that house til i outgrew you.
i found more places to garnish my cheeks with my brokenness;
but i never forgot you.
my solace.
my safe haven.
my home.