I want to love without the fear of being abandoned.
I want to laugh and smile without carrying this heaviness, wondering when it will all disappear.
I want this place they call a house to finally feel like home.
I want my heart to forget all they\'ve done, so I can live here, without constantly wanting to run away.
I want to be that mischievous, naughty girl again.
I want to feel loved again.
I\'m beginning to hate the person I\'m becoming...
Always wanting to run away from this place they call my home.
I love them, yet I don\'t want to be with them.
My mind never fully trusts anyone.
I push away everyone who comes close with the intention to love and care for me,
even though, deep down, that\'s all I\'ve ever wanted.
Why do I keep remembering the painful moments?
Why can\'t I hold on to the blissful ones?
Is it because I\'m ungrateful?
Or
is it because sorrow leaves deeper footprints than happiness ever could?
I try to heal myself.
I pray to God to make me my old self again.
But I don\'t know how to escape this version of me.
I\'m trapped in a loop—
making myself lonely, making myself sorrowful,
while desperately wishing to become the girl I once was.