An involuntary spasm
of the diaphragm
and respiratory organs,
with a sudden closure
of the glottis
and a characteristic
sound like that of a cough.
Rather mundane topic
lest one cursed
with said minor inconvenience
that subsequently manifests
into protracted health crisis.
I write much hiccup ado
about nothing, which
involuntary explosive release
comes clear out of the hiccup blue
nary a sponge bob
square pants handy
dandy blues clue,
where in tarnation
this uncontrollable bout
jarring the Jimmy Neutron body
electric all\'s well
that ends well hiccup do.
Why such physiological
spasmodic trembling
undulating weird phenomena
uncontrollable peculiar
singultus jump/kickstarts,
where one of many
extreme measures now suggested
such as ramming cloven hoofs
down the gullet wool shear
lee be in vain
to bring closure
of glottis hiccups ewe
you wool sheepishly
moost likely find annoying
as this hiccupping buck feels few
breaths short of taking
another potential drastic action…
believe me you
Digital Rectal Massage:
In a bizarrely famous medical study
published in the anal lies d Annals
of Internal Medicine,
researchers discovered
that a digital rectal massage
could instantly stop intractable hiccups
courtesy the nerve stimulation
thought to trigger
a reflex that resets
the vagus nerve,
and the finding so wild
it won the Ig Nobel Prize
in medicine in 2006
as extreme a solution as
Sexual Intercourse to Orgasm:
Absolute zero doubt
another case report
documented in the
National Institutes
of Health PMC database
detailed a patient
whose severe hiccups
instantly stopped
upon reaching orgasm,
and similar to the rectal massage,
it causes an intense burst
of autonomic nervous system activity
that can reboot the vagus nerve
how wacky and weird
fact located across
wide whirled, webbed series
of being held hostage
resorting to asking
Horton hears a Who
to stomp his elephant legs
(also known as hottentot bread)
atop thee abdominal chest
me not ribbing ye dear reader
despite impossible mission
to escape, thus truncating mein kampf,
and additional fail safe measure
being trundled to an igloo
serving as ice cold emergency room
of a mockup hospital or calling
on the ghost of the late veterinarian
James Herriot to scare doggone
such hiccup caterwauling
catering to gentile
or skeletal anorexic
hunger artist appropriately named Jew
Lean, thus, time and again
when said hiccup affliction
holds me hiccup hostage
ye dear stranger knew
seeking cure twill drive me towards
considering additional outrageous
acts of desperation
such as sticking ma head in the loo,
which bizarre reaction
on par with holding
out an appetite
until famished for moo
goo guy pan mixed
with delicious bowl of new
dulls steeped in broth,
an island delicacy renown on Oahu
even this atheist would ask
for salivation praying in a pew,
whereby sound of silence
echoed by hiccup right on queue
when nary a burble
until reaching amen hiccup rue
stubbornly persists,
no matter resorting
to consider extreme unction measures
at suppressing explosive strew
wing upsurge of diaphragm,
accursed diabolical solution
holding breath until
turning blue in the face
simultaneously forcing air thru
alternative orifices such as:
nasal passage and/or mouth, ears
or out derrière as last ditch effort.
Oft times physiological phenomena
faintly resembles bobbing up and down
analogous to the celebrated
jumping frog of Calaveras County
seriousness one best not undervalue
with a snort
lest ye surpass one poor soul
when an accident
on June 13, 1922,
Charles Osborne
(no relation to Ozzy)
experienced 20 to 40
involuntary diaphragm
spasms per minute whereat,
he hiccupped nonstop,
which condition persisted
for more than six decades,
only ending in 1990,
a full 68 years after it began.
Osborne\'s plight remains
the longest attack
of hiccups confirmed
by Guinness World Records
invariably accompanied
no doubt by a voodoo
practitioner…until…at last whew
hiccups stopped mysteriously
as they started
bringing relief
to him who analogously felt like
caged primate in a zoo.