I want to trust you, God, I fucking do.
But every part of me is waiting for the knife.
You say you won’t hurt me, and I want to believe you.
But I’ve heard those words before, and they lied.
I gave someone my heart without a second thought.
They taught me that trust is just another way to bleed.
So now I ruin good things before they can ruin me,
I push you away while begging you to stay.
I read betrayal into every silence,
I turn your kindness into something I should fear.
I need you so badly it makes me hate myself.
Because I remember what it felt like to finally let go,
to put my whole heart in somebody else’s hands.
And I remember how easily they dropped it,
how they watched me break and still walked away.
Now I want to love you without looking for the exit.
But I’m terrified you’ll prove me right.