closure. respect. whatever you want to call it.
i don\'t know why i still think about it. why i still think about him, about you. why, after six years, it can still crawl its way back into my head and sit there like it never left.
life has kept moving, somehow. six years have passed. i\'m getting married now, and you\'d think that after all this time, after everything that\'s happened since, there wouldn\'t be anything left of it in me. i thought that was what time was supposed to do; wear it down.
recently, i thought i was finally over it. i thought maybe in another six years, i wouldn\'t even remember your name. that i\'d have to try to remember who you were, and even then it wouldn\'t matter.
but it isn\'t gone.
sometimes it comes back in my dreams, like last night, and for those few moments i\'m there again. and then i wake up and it feels like something has been hollowed out of me.
i lay there staring at the ceiling, exhausted by something that happened so long ago, wondering how something can be dead and still hurt this much.
i hate that i still carry it. i hate that something from six years ago can still feel like it\'s rotting through my bones, leaving me tired and hollow, leaving shadows under my eyes, making me wonder what part of me never really made it out of that time.
i thought i had finally buried it, i suppose some things don\'t stay buried.
it\'s such a shame.
i\'m sorry.